Friday, February 26, 2010

Proud of Myself!

So tonight my friends were really on me about going out! They were like "you should really come out with us, you'll have so much fun, you'll have such a good time" and all that. But I had to say no!

I'm down to just a week left until spring break and I've really done a good job of standing by what I said I would do! Why would I give up NOW when I've come so far? I found a new level of strength in that moment also. To be in front of my closest friends and still be able to say no and stay true to myself. My parents raised me to think for myself and be my own person. I'm not going to give in to what other people say no matter what the situation is.

I just had to put some positivity out there saying I'm proud of myself for this!

~LaDai

Monday, February 15, 2010

Clarity

My mind is definitely alot more clear.

I feel a spiritual cleansing is happening.

I started my workout this morning, so a physical cleansing is about to happen.

I just feel great all around!

~LaDai

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Back 2 This Hair Thing Tho...

I am so insprired to go natural!

I always have been, but lately I'm really feeling like I REALLY want to go natural. I'm tired of wearing my hair short now. I've been doing this for 2 years now, a little on and off in the beggining, but pretty steady in the past year or so. It grows fast (and I LOVE how my new growth feels!), but styling it, it doens't grow long without breakage. Even before I cut my hair short, I've never really had problems with my relaxed hair that alot of other women experience. The biggest problems I've had with my hair is breakage and I completely expect that with a relaxer and the amount of styling I do (on a daily basis).

I'm tired, though! I'm tired of doing my hair everyday. Tired of sitting in the salong for cuts every so often. Within the last week or so I've had this urge to just take some scissors and cut it all off.

My biggest worry is that I won't like my hair THAT short. I'm just ready for something new. Originally, I planned to just get my hair cut shorter and shorter each time, but my hair stylist won't cut it short how I want. I don't know if she does that on purpose or if she really just likes my hair the way she does it lol... Then I said I'm just going to get a fade by the time the summer comes. I'm getting restless. I'm ready to start over asap!

I'm telling you, if I keep feeling this way....*eyes the scissors*

~LaDai

Testing, Testing 1, 2...

This is either a test of my faith by God or the devil is on my heels trying to stop me. Either way it goes, ya'll know which way I'm headed (I'm assuming you do lol). With that said, I want to thouroughly acknowledge this test of faith and how I feel it.

So the majority of my friends have been accepting and understanding of what I'm trying to accomplish with my fast. It was weird at first explaining to the same people (friends) I party with why I'm choosing not to for a while. With that being the case, these are people who I can say are truly my friends because they respect my desicion and don't try and get me to party when they know what I'm doing. Not everybody has been so understanding, though.

At the same time though, eventually you figure out who's really who. At this point, some people are showing their true colors. I've had this one girl in particular, even after I've explained all this to my friends, say that I'm trying to live a new found life that I suddenly don't want to party anymore and I look down on others who do. I don't know where she got all that from lol...I understand that folks are going to do and say what they want, regardless.

I believe that getting over obstacles requires that you acknowledge they exist. It's irrelevant to me, but it's probably the biggest obstacle I face at this point. It doesn't really matter to me what people think I'm doing. I know what I'm doing and why.

~LaDai

Monday, February 1, 2010

2 Corinthians 5:17

"Therefore if anyman be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold all things are become new."
-KJV
_______________________________________________

So I've had a slip in my fast. I know it happened, but I've been sitting on it and really trying to re-evaluate things for myself and figure out what I can do to really strengthen myself in and through this fast. In the bigger picture, if I can stay faithful to this fast, I can do anything and it's just few steps on my spritual journey, but it really matters.

I'm coming to see that partying is really my vice. I really enjoy it. It's a good release to me after a long week of hard work. BUT... like I said before, it's become a distraction so I'm trying to cut it out for a while. I partied twice this past weekend. But I got a good message tonight that I believe has definitely given me more strength to make it through the time period I said I wouldn't party (until Sprink Break).

So I was at this event tonight and the theme was "Living Faithful in an Unfaitful Environment". It definitely put in perspective what I'm trying to accomplish with this fast, and made that picture clear to me. I know what steps I need to put in place and become accountable for what situations I put myself into that will lead to the success (or failure) of my goal. I will share this for anyone maybe going through the same thing of just trying to stay focused on a goal or anything else you want to do to become a better person.

The question asked was basically "What kind of person would I be if I were truly faithful?" You can apply that to any aspect of your life: in school, in a relationship with someone or your relationship with God, a friendship, or even just within yourself. The speaker used Proverbs 3:5-6 to paint this picture. He was saying that we must have visions for ourselves and our lives, particularly about who we want to become as a person. In our walk in faith, not turning away from God, His presence will give us the power, love, peace, and strength to accomplish those things.

If I am truly faithful to God and to myself in this fast, I will make it through with no problem. Of course it's not going to be easy. With anything we, as imperfect humans, strive to accomplish, we'll always have setbacks. It's what we do in the setback, in that moment of darkness, that defines who we truly are. In this setback I know that there are steps that I need to put in place so that I can enjoy success in the long run.

First thing I want to do is to become prepared. Before I set out on my fast I didn't really prepare for what I would do if I were to be in a situation where I'd be conflicted. I know I'm on this fast, I'm trying not to party so I have to remove myself from the situations where someone says "Okay what do ya'll want to do? Ya'll wanna get a bottle or head downtown?" Nope. LaDai wants to go home n chill. So then I can say, "Okay ya'll go out n have a good time. Call me in the morning, tell me all about it." I didn't have that mental preparation before. I believe I do now.

Second thing I want to do is stay consistent. With anything I do, I never want to say one thing and do another. If I can't stay true to my fast, I'm not staying true to myself and thusandsuch [yes, I did say thusandsuch lol], how can you expect me to stay true to you as a friend or anything else? So, I have got to get my actions and words to stay consistent in this vision of who I am aiming to become.

The third step in this is to stay optimistic and realistic. In any goal, a person has to be optimistic and realistic in what they want to accomplish. Specifically with my fast, I know I'm not just going to stop partying and never party again. I just have to learn moderation. Cutting it out for a while, helps me to accomplish this. As far as being realistic, I started off saying I wouldn't party all semester. That's not realistic for me, so I shortened to Spring Break with the intention of partying in moderation any time after that!

Lastly, knowing who I am and what works for LaDai is my last step in being successful at this fast. This step ties in with the 3rd one as far as being realistic. I know what works for me and I just have to stay steadfast and true to myself and success is mine to claim!

~LaDai

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Fasting

So after giving this much thought, I have decided that I'm going on a fast. My goal in the end is to just be a better person with a better lifestyle, better suited for the young woman that I strive to be on a daily basis, especially in the spiritual aspect!

I've looked up fasting online, discussed it with friends, and with my mom as well. What I've come to understand is that whatever you fast from is supposed to enhance your spiritual experience. So with that said, I have decided to fast from partying. While this may not seem like a big deal, it affects many aspects of my life. It hasn't become a hinderance or problem for me, but if I don't do this, it definitely has the potential to do so.

It fosters a lifestyle that I don't necessarily want to get too caught up in. It's the only reason that I do drink (have drank in the past). With that said, it's something that can get in the way of the goals I have for school: partying thursday night-saturday night and not spending what could be the majority of my spare time doing productive things like homework and papers for school. That in turn leads me to procrastinate. Nothing good comes from that, of course.

The drinking isn't a problem, but I'm willing to admit it could be (as it could for anyone who parties) if I don't keep the partying under control. I started off as the girl at parties who didn't even drink at all then I got nick named "Ladi Dadi" the life of the party...That's all I'll say on that. I've definitely dropped the nick name as a part of this journey. My next step is to let my friends know so they can go back to calling me LaDai (which is my name anyways lol).

I'm working on my relationship with God and to get closer to Him, I have to shed things that are not of Him. It definitely takes a lifestyle change to accomplish this. Partying is definitely not the lifestyle for that. I think this one is pretty self explanatory.

In general I just want to be a better person. I don't want to get caught up in that scene. I'm not saying I'm never going to party ever again, but for the time being, I have to cut it out. My goal is to not party until spring break, which is March 8th if I'm not mistaken. So that's a little over a month. I can definitely do that.

I have alot going on this semester, academically, and I just need to put myself in the best situation possible so that I have no distractions or anything. I'm aiming higher this semester and I'm coming with no excuses. The semester just started and I've already figured out that I can't party and put 100% into school. It's one or the other and let's just say school is my priority...

I always say I'll update so I'm making no promises this time!

~LaDai

Thursday, December 31, 2009

2010?!

Folks!

I started not to do one of these this year. I just wanted to keep things as simple as possible. As I looked back on my previous posts like this from last year and the year before, I thought it was kind of cool and decided I couldn’t pass it up. So here I am! It’s cool to go back and reread these and see what I was thinking a year ago, how I sounded and what my goals were. It definitely gives me something concrete to go back to and reflect. I can look at it and ask myself, “Did I accomplish what I set out to do this year?” Some things I have to give a lot of thought, while an easy answer comes for others.

It’s not even about making New Year’s Resolutions anyway. A lot of the time, I come up with those silly things and rarely stick to them. So I just use the opportunity to make new goals, just like the ones I make any other day, not just because a new year is rolling in. My goals always have to do with becoming a better person. I strive to do that with each day, but as the New Year rolls in, it gives me the chance to reflect on the past year and see where I am in the bigger picture of my life and where I’d like to be within the next year.

Every day is a learning experience, but when I look back at 2009, I see tremendous growth within myself. The person I was on January 1st, 2009 is definitely not the same person sitting here on December 31, 2009. I’ve had plenty good times, and just as many bad times in the same year. It’s in those tough times where I redefine myself. I’ve grown in every aspect possible: emotionally, mentally, physically (well maybe not so much LOL), and definitely spiritually.

I strive to continue to grow in all of those areas in 2010! I’ll be 20, no longer a ‘teen. That’s pretty exciting! I figure this age brings on a completely new era in my life. Twenty. Man, I like how that sounds! I haven’t decided yet what it really means to me. I’ll have to get back at you with that one when my birthday rolls around. TWENTY!! 20! Ha!

But anyways…I want to really focus on me this year. Get back down to the essence of LaDai, who I truly I am. I’d like to think that if there’s anything in life I’ve got figured out 100%....it’s myself. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case! As people, we’ve got to understand that we’re always in a constant state of becoming, we’re never “finished” with anything…when you’re finished, you’re dead. There’s always something we can do to improve ourselves. Whether it’s to accomplish a goal or do something you’ve never tried before, there’s always wiggle room for improvement and growth.

I think too much. Luckily, that works out for me in a number of situations, but it’s an obstacle as well because I lack spontaneity. I’m the least bit impulsive. I’ve got to know who, what, when, where, and why before I do anything. So in 2010, I’m going to leap before I look! I’m not saying I’m going to be reckless now, don’t twist my words…lol…But these are the years of my life. I want to look back in 5 years and say I did everything I wanted to do exactly how I wanted to. I don’t want to look back and see all the opportunities and fun I missed out on because I always have to look before I leap!

So in 2010, here’s to leaping before you look! Do what (and who, jkjk lol) you want, when you want, where you want, how you want…etc…all that good stuff lol…Every day is your day, just live life! If you happen to stumble on some things you regret, it’s all good as long as you learn from it! Ladi Dadi is living it up in 2010!!

Peace and blessings in the new year!
~LaDai